The Fairest of the Seasons

October 14, 2008 at 10:25 pm (ch-ch-ch-changes, Cooking, Fall)

I love fall. Even though I grew up in Las Vegas, where fall is less like a season and more like “that day I wasn’t sweating between summer and winter.”

But Oregon has seasons. And it does fall like no other. The leaves are changing, so looking at every tree on my block is like seeing them born anew. The air is crispy and you have to wear a scarf and stockings. There are so many gourds and pumpkins it looks like the city has a bad case of warts. Jack-o-lanterns smirk from darkened windows and the smell of fireplaces being lit for the first time since February fills the air. I made two sweet potato pies this weekend, and last night, a pot of butternut squash soup.

The seasons are changing, and I hope I am too. I’ve been more down the past few months than I have in a long time. I feel like I don’t know who I am, or what I want, or what I want to do. I’ve realized that love, for me anyway, isn’t a dichotomy. That childhood friendships dissipate and you have to foster new ones. That my parents are not invincible. That I can’t beat myself up for every little mistake. That my mood affects those around me. That being alone isn’t always the best solution; I have to let other people into my space, even if its messy and smells like dirty laundry.

Tonight, I’m making pumpkin soup. We’re going to eat it and snuggle under wool blankets because its too early (and too expensive) to turn on the heater. I’m going to read ghost stories and get goosepimples up and down my body. I’m going to buy Halloween candy and make a costume. I’m going to listen to Nico and Bob Dylan. Because its fall, and the change it brings is beautiful.


  1. meagank said,

    I’m so proud of you.
    We all need these moments, these seemingly random weeks of bummerdom, to remind us of what’s important.
    The new friendships and the man who loves you, snuggling under blankets, watching the leaves change, and being as crisp and clear as the air.
    I love you.

  2. Erin said,

    you are beautiful, miss nathalie weinstein.

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