A semi-Jewish girl at Christmastime

December 9, 2008 at 6:43 pm (Uncategorized)

December is a good time for me. First, there’s Back Fence PDX tomorrow night. And all of you should buy tickets because its going to be George-Clooney-in-his-underpants-amazing.

The second reason why December is  great: my BIRTHDAY. Its the day after Christmas, which was rather difficult for me growing up as an only child, because I couldn’t understand why all of MY friends had to be with their families on MY birthday and that they couldn’t come to MY party. This is  MY day,  I would think to myself while sharing my birthday cake with my stuffed animals and weeping. Well, to make up for those lonely birthdays, I have decided that this December will be my birthday MONTH. Which brings me back to my first point, Back Fence PDX. You all have to come to it, if only to wish me a happy birthday month or else I might regress into dismal memories of childhood birthdays spent alone you will find me clutching a stuffed rabbit in an alley somewhere, eating cake and weeping. Do you really want that? Have you seen how big and glossy my eyes get when I’m weeping? Buy tickets now.

Thirdly, December is great because Hanukkah is (usually) in December. And I’m kinda-sorta-almost Jewish. True, my mother is technically a Catholic, and my father, while born into a Jewish family, is a self-proclaimed Atheist. But I had a Bubby growing up who pinched my cheeks. When people come to my house, I force food upon them until they beg for mercy. I have a roman nose and a deep affection for Woody Allen movies, lox, matzo and eggs, leopard print and Oi-ing. And Hanukkah is just a great holiday: candles, booze, gambling and the mother of all foods, latkes, potato pancakes deep fried in chicken fat and then drenched in sour cream and apple sauce. FOR EIGHT NIGHTS. Oh, and there’s a bunch of history and praying in Hebrew and stuff too.

And for Christmas, I get to go out in my lumberjack pants and cut down a REAL tree this year. Did you know you can get a tree for $10 if you cut it yourself? In Las Vegas, the trees were sold out of mall parking lots, cost $60 and looked like the Charlie Brown Christmas tree, though not nearly as charming.

So, in a word, excited. Buy tickets. Now.

1 Comment

  1. meagank said,

    Will you make latkes for me again?
    Those were so delicious that I thought I had seen Jesus. Or whatever you Jews see when good stuff happens.

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